Pity-Patter of My Heart

Sometimes   All of the time, things don't go how I plan. I'm an optimist with a realists vision. Because of this, the past couple of weeks it's been easy to tell myself that the money for adoption is coming and will come and that people will respond in their own right and on their own time. Heck I'm always the last to actually follow through on something but the optimist in me was slightly crushed. It was hard waiting for things to happen. My imaginative hope was that this money would be raised in a matter of days and we could focus on things like planning a nursery, other adoption to do's, and general baby excitement was quickly put to rest.  In fact, in my worse moments I wanted to proclaim this;

Don't get me wrong-- there were completely brilliant moments. Friends and family have given generously, people that we don't know or haven't spoken with in years have also donated to our adoption fund. I've been beyond humbled by the unselfish amounts people have given and the incredibly sweet words they have shared with us.


But those first few days after we made our initial fundraising post were somewhat brutal and God used them to have me turn towards Him once more. The book My Upmost for His Highest laid out the sin that was happening in my heart quite well;

"If we give way to self-pity and indulge in the luxury of misery, we remove God’s riches from our lives and hinder others from entering into His provision. No sin is worse than the sin of self-pity, because it removes God from the throne of our lives, replacing Him with our own self-interests. It causes us to open our mouths only to complain, and we simply become spiritual sponges— always absorbing, never giving, and never being satisfied. And there is nothing lovely or generous about our lives."

God reminded me that it will be His provision that gets us through this. Not my terrible planning. Not my ideas. Not my vision. It is His will, His plan, and His timing. Since I've been so gently reminded of this (no tantrum whatsoever or feelings of utter loss) an amazing thing has happened. More people have stepped up, God has moved people to do big, amazing things for us, and I have not just seen, but felt His provision. I'm no longer focused on the blurry path in front of me. 2 Corinthinas 9:8  is a reminder of the promise and good work that I feel right now:

"God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you’re ready for anything and everything, more than just ready to do what needs to be done. As one psalmist puts it,

He throws caution to the winds,

    giving to the needy in reckless abandon.

His right-living, right-giving ways

    never run out, never wear out.

This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more than extravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full-formed lives, robust in God, wealthy in every way, so that you can be generous in every way, producing with us great praise to God."

So to end this post let me just put this out in the bloggesphere;  

for your response, your prayers, your time, your commitment, your hope, your resources, your encouragement, and your love. It truly means the world.  And I promise, no more pity parties, I hope. :)